I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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