I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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