Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
