I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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