May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
