I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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