I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
