So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
