if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
