also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
