Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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