you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
