I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize