Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
