Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
