he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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