Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
