We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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