ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
