i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
