my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
im holly from the hills drunk
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
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