I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
