I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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