hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
