Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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