News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
