My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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