Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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