he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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