I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
