I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
