yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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