yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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