so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I could make wine with my vomit
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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