oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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