i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
