i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
