overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
