I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
