what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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