There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize