I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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