a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
