Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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