If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
