I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
