What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
