At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
