That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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