he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You peed on a flamingo?!?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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