She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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