If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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