sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
