Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
