I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
