Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize