at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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