i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
