Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
