This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
