i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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