he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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