I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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