I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
