If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
