i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
