I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
