i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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