kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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