im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
