so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
