Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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