One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
