You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
