I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
